The English Patient – First Post

The English Patient – Part 1

For 42 long years, I have abused my body with alcohol, smoking, dancing and basically living it up. I ate what I wanted, I did little to no exercise, I was immortal.

Or so I thought, at the ripe age of 40, an age I never thought I would hit, I suddenly got hit by the old age virus, my joints ached, my liver screamed, my hangovers lasted for a century.

For the first time in 20 years I was forced to visit the dreaded white coats and get a check up. Lo and behold, the years of fun have caught up, diabetes, ulcers, blood pressure, cholesterol and more all jumped on the we hate James bandwagon.

Following the advice in a semi strict way, I made a few lifestyle changes, little more control over diet, little less alcohol, etc. And to a degree it worked, but in a few VERY important aspects it didn’t. Over the next 2 years, the pain I had in my feet grew and grew, they were constantly hot, they constantly hurt, standing for more than an hour put me in agony. The quacks put it down to diabetic nerve damage, and prescribed, you got it… more pills.

Then fate lent a hand, on a visit to a client of mine, I was introduced to Andy ‘Mos’ Morris. Who after shaking my hand, preceded to list of a variety of things he could see was wrong with me.

No yes, that is an odd way to start a conversation, most people talk about the weather, or kids etc, but in this happy circumstance I was left dumbfounded.

Mos explained that I had flat feet, dropped arches, pain in the soles and toes, that I rolled my feet when I walked, I had overactive knees, a gammy right hip, dreadful posture, and due to all this I had a belly that would not shift.

CRAP, I thought, waiting on the prescription of yet more pills. and no resolution to my unending pain. But, no! Andy, started to explain to me how Shockwave therapy, combined with super inductive therapy could not only ease the pain, but could actually fix the problems, enabling me to enjoy walking once again, and even potentially lose that problem belly.

Hell, I was up for it just on the off chance of getting a nights sleep without my feet being on fire.The first and greatest thing about Body Shockwave is that it provides out of hours schedules. Meaning I could get to see him at 17.30 leaving my day free for work, and my evening free for drink lol.

Andy greets me at the door, and takes me into this very plus treatment room. I can smell familiar scents of Tiger balm, massage oils and I get the idea Im in for a lovely relaxing massage. Boy was I wrong.

Andy starts by explaining that he is going to work on one leg initially, (My right) as this is where the worst of the pain and issues lie, but also because he doesnt want to put too much strain on my body in one go.

What I nice guy, I thought! That soon changed. He places this odd device, like a cross between a roomba and a hoover on my hip, this is the Super Inductive Therapy head, attached to an lcd box, with so many buttons it looked like it should be on the Tardis.

A pleasant vibration shoots through my hip, nice, very comfortable, quite relaxing actually, but then he turns the dial, pleasant turns into ticklish, ticklish turns into shocking, but still making me giggle like a school girl.

Then comes the Shockwave Therapy, and I understand that the hip thing was merely to distract me from the seventh level of hell I have just entered.

With a special magical wand, Andy starts inflicting huge amounts of pain on my knee, Im asked to rate the pain out of 10, with 10 being the highest and let me tell you, it was an ELEVEN. 10 seconds pass, or 10 minutes in my pain addled sense, and suddenly the pain drops to a 5, then a 2 then wow, thats quite lovely actually.

SO Andy moves, to a new area, and the viscous cycle begins again, 10 seconds of agony and then bliss, round and round this goes, then he moves to my thigh, that pain was a FIFTEEN, but at the 10 second mark, what felt like a massive ball of unbearable pain seems to deflate, and you can physically watch the muscle unknot and shrink back down to a normal size. I’ve suddenly got feeling back in my thigh, something I have not had in over a year! My thigh, knee and calves go instantly from a pale white and cold to a healthy pink and warm, it seems that the blood flow to these areas had been royally constricted for quite a while.

Then, he moves to my feet, my quite literal Achilles heel. The pain is wow, so much hurt, but once again it lasts around 10 seconds and goes away.

I get the feeling Andy has got a bit carried away as we both realise its been 1hr 15 minutes now. Im helped to my feet, Im expecting my leg to be bruised, bleeding and even bones sticking through the skin, but instead it is pink, healthy, and so light, I can move my right hip, bend the knees and even wriggle my toes 100 times better than my left.

I walk up and down the room, like a cyborg, its like the leg is not mine, there is no pain, my foot feels cool and amazing. It is truly unbelievable.

Im ready for the next leg, but as Andy explains, my body is running on Adrenalin right now, and needs time to clear out the toxins released and recover.

While disappointed, I can understand. Im back in 2 weeks for the next go.
So what happened after the 1st treatment?

1. My mouth was super gacky, tasted like Id been eating a badger
2. Soooooo thirsty,
3. Pain in left foot amplified as the right was pure bliss

What a nights sleep, only one foot in pain, the other was wonderful, that night I ‘accidentally’ stood on some carpet tacks in my front room, something I do when the pain is so great. My left foot it felt lovely, like walking on a sandy beach. (Because the left foot has very little feeling other than pain), the treated foot, was like OMG, WTF! Why you standing on a carpet tack, that blooming hurts, why would you do that!!!!

So after a very nice nights sleep, 3 lots of toothpaste to remove gacky taste, and about 6 gallons of squash to clear the thirst, I start moving around, and yep, now my leg feels like its gone ten rounds with a kickboxer, it feels sore, and aches, but strangely still with more movement than the left leg. Looking at it however, it is pink and healthy looking, so either my eyes are lying to me, or I have no idea.

Later that afternoon, I develop a cold, gone by morning, I develop a slight cough and tickle in my throat, (Gone by morning), I lose my voice and sound like a cross between Barry White And Steven Hawkings. (Gone by morning)

Worried, I call Andy, and while speaking to him like I am going through puberty, once he had stopped laughing, he explained, that all the toxins that had been released were getting out of my system in the fastest ways, sweat, urine, breath and it was this causing all the issues, he promised they were short term and yep they were.

It has been almost 2 weeks now, and I am definitely ready for another treatment, the pain is back to the same levels and Im ready to feel the bliss again now.